I'm the oldest and creakiest diva
Might need to start taking Boniva
But I've traveled to France,
Had mucho romance,
So for all us old broads, I say Viva!
I don't look like I did at 19,
Fake tits and nose jobs ain't my scene,
But invisible blogging
Is better than jogging
Does my ass look too big on this screen?
All this aging shit gives me the blues
Only things that still fit me are shoes
I'm one massive wrinkle
When I laugh now, I tinkle
When my daughter looks at me she moos
Menopause gives me hot flashes
My sex drive quite frequently crashes
I need a new lube
A jumbo-sized tube
Cause now all I'm getting is rashes
My favorite color is black
It's at least half the clothes on my rack
But it makes my thighs smaller
Since I can't grow no taller,
To get thin I'd have to smoke crack
So I slap on a little mascara,
Coat my flabbiness with aloe vera,
Put on my bikini,
and drink a martini
And dream of the French Riviera
So ladies, let's all have a drink
It's better than paying a shrink
We'll flirt with the pool boy,
make plans with our sex toy
and paint our toenails Nipple Pink!
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3 comments:
K-THUNNK
That was the sound of my forehead hitting the floor (that infernal tile they use all over this state) as I bow to your wit.
Brava! Brava! Brava!
Hey, I'm only nine years late to the party. Who'da thunk writing could be so fun?
Ridiculous talent! YAY for Terri writing!
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