My first real post

Diva Rule #1: Shoes



Diva Rule number one is shoes. Must have shoes. Lots of shoes. Lots, lots and lots of shoes.

This is of course due to my recent adventure at the Nordstrom's Half Yearly Sale. Walking into the shoe department gives me a tiny frisson of excitement, as if I'm about to meet a lover, which in a way I am. A tiny leather lover that will caress my feet and change my life into one that is Glamorous, Exciting, and decidedly un-midwestern. No Keds, in other words.

So I bought a pair of black patent leather wedge sandals with the CUTEST black polka dots on a beige linen heel. Um, and the matching pair in red. Because I bought um, five cute tops in the other department, as an act of charity which I will explain shortly.

Which brings me to Rule Number 2 for divas: Save the world from bad fashion. To be a diva, one must Dress Well. No, you don't have to wear Nanette Lepore or Prada or any such name-hogging twit designer. Your clothes must make YOU look good. We don't give a shit where the clothes come from, as long as they show off the body that is uniquely yours.

Anyway.

I bought five tops off one rack at Nordstrom's. They were sitting there, all lonely and sad on their little rack, and swarms of women were walking RIGHT BY them, ignoring them, and I felt their pain. They were MARKED DOWN! And lonely! And cute, and their self-esteem was low because no one was buying them and so I took pity on them and bought a few because I am sensitive in that way. Also they were stretchy enough to cover my boobs, which coupled with the cute print was enough to enhance the curves without giving off whiffs of KFC. I felt like Albert Schweitzer, but my friend was kind enough to point out that I don't look quite that old.

Here is my ode to Nordstrom's Half Yearly Sale (with apologies to Emma Lazarus):

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled materials yearning to clothe me,
The wretched refuse of last year's fashion bore,
Send these, the stainless, cargo-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the closet door!