Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Stop me if you've heard this one

Or possibly a better title would be "A Diva's Cautionary Tale," aka a rant about Husband 1.0 or as we like to refer to him, Mr. Fuckball.

Mr. F has contacted me recently to request that his child support obligation be lowered by oh, about 70%. He claims that his income is such that he "cannot afford the egregious amount" he is currently paying. He wants to go to court to make this permanent, as he did four years ago when he had again another request for modification that would benefit him and his preferred lifestyle. His argument then? "I really just don't enjoy my time with them, so they should spend more time with you. Plus I want to be able to travel more."

Internets, I give you the Top 10 facts and allow you to judge for yourself whether Mr. Fuckball has a case.
  1. Mr. Fuckball is, as of last accounting, a certified millionaire who is self-employed.
  2. Mr. Fuckball owns not one, but two homes, one in my state and one in Florida.
  3. Mr. Fuckball flies back and forth between said homes, with his girlfriend, twice a month to the tune of about $1000/month in airfare.
  4. The amount of the child support he pays to me is less than $1000/month.
  5. Mr. Fuckball's latest purchase was a nice new boat for his home in Florida, so he can fish.
  6. Mr. Fuckball and his girlfriend (aka "Frangipani") have planned a nice long two-week scuba-diving vacation in Indonesia this fall which will cost probably more than a year's worth of child support.
  7. Mr. Fuckball generally refuses to buy shoes, clothes, and school supplies for our children because, in his inimitable words, "your mother has enough money for that from all the goddamn support I pay her."
  8. The last time he was forced by his children to buy them clothes, he took them to Goodwill.
  9. Mr. Fuckball just inherited about $250K from his departed father.
  10. Mr. Fuckball is planning to use some of that money for a down payment on a nice little airplane.
So. Any opinions out there, legal or otherwise? Is this a semantics problem? Should I give him a new nickname? Because for the LIFE OF ME I'm having trouble processing all this because of the blood pounding behind my eyeballs.

2 comments:

Tasty said...

Oh, I think those reasons will satisfy the court just fine.

Terri said...

Well, I was wrong about number 10. I guess he's not going to buy a plane. But he's still being a jerk.