Monday, July 7, 2008

The horse is not quite dead

I told Stacey that my new motto is: "If the Horse is Dead, Get Off." She immediately chortled and offered to make me a T-shirt, and I'm sure she will, because she is just that kind of fabulous.

What kind of fabulous, do you say? Well, you Numbers out there have known her way longer so I know you have your own stories of her helping to put out personal fires and save lives. This is why her official Superhero name is Estacey de las Flamencos, complete with flaming pink cape and outsized twinkly tiara, whapping the bad guys with her diamond scepter of justice.

Seriously. When you are as insane as I am, it helps to have girlfriends like her. After the radioactive sludge fight that I had with Mr. Diva, I was ready to get off the horse, dead or not, because I was so fucking tired of the bucking and jumping fits. I was ready to shoot the horse, then douse it in napalm, then stuff it in a FedEx box and send it off to the White House as Exhibit A in the show "Ten reasons why libertarians and liberals can never peacefully coexist," begging the pardon of MLK Jr. and all you Unitarian Universalists out there.

Anyway, my dahling Stacey listened to me bloviate and whimper, and did nothing but listen and tell me she loved me and supported me and would be there for me and promised to pour me drinks and help me move out if that's what I wanted, and this is the kicker; she offered to put her cell phone by her bed so I could call her day or night.

Miraculous.

Then, there is the other Teri. She has a blog, or used to have a blog, but I don't know if she does anymore. It's a shame if she doesn't because she is an insanely talented writer -- she even gets PAID to write for a living. Teri lives on a sandbar far, far, from home, but she previously lived in the same city as me and was my co-worker, frequent lunch companion and creative doppleganger. She was the one who introduced me to Nordstrom's shoe department where I have had many a love affair with sky-high heels and metallic leather. She also got me through massive postpartum depression with my firstborn and held my hand through my divorce from Husband 1.0 (AKA Mr. Fuckball). Teri is the Queen of Cruises and has been on every cruise line on the planet, and although she still hasn't been able to convince me to get on one of those colossal floating cities, if I ever do it will be when I can go with her. She is the safe port in a storm -- and she ALSO offered her phone services 24/7 in case I was about to jump off the bridge.

Astounding.

This is Unthinkable for me. I have never called a person in the middle of the night. But boy is it a comfort to know that I can. The universe, miraculously, gave this to me, and I am forever grateful.

Thank you to my dear friends.

P.S. As for Mr. Diva, I smacked him hard with a cluestick. Profuse apologies are not enough, we need some action. The plan is in place, so good luck to us.

4 comments:

Allie said...

stacey is good people that way. i have called on here MANY times in the middle of the morning,day, or night - and she's always been there for me.

know this, no matter WHAT is going on - if stacey is your friend, you will be ok.

that is comforting.

Terri said...

Yes, she is amazing, like a goddess.

As are you, ms. hairbanger.

Tasty said...

Aw, thank you so much. I'm leaving the phone by my head for a while. And best of luck to you and Ver 2.0. May it work out beautifully.

christelpistol said...

i think most Numbers sleep with the phones by their beds. it's kinda a rule.



or maybe it's that i have separation anxiety when i leave it in the kitchen to go to the bathroom.

regardless. the Number Phone Tree is very powerful.