Today is one of those days where I am just barely hanging on to my sanity. I'm afraid any moment now I'm going to do something crazy like stand on top of my desk and scream, or walk off a roof, or grab a bat and start smashing dishes. I am disgusted at work, frustrated with my daughter, and just seething with irritation.
You would never know this if you met me. I am calm and patient on the exterior (at least I think I am -- maybe I'm not fooling anyone) and I am 99% in control of my display of emotion. It's just my personality -- I don't do big shows of emotion. I think they're overly dramatic and queeny at best, and frightening and manipulative at worst.
I've learned over the years not to actually repress my emotions -- I allow myself to feel them, but in a way that doesn't force the world to observe. I deal with it by exercise, yoga, and relaxation practices, but today it just isn't helping.
It's just one of those days when I feel like I'm spending 90% of my day doing things I dislike. Is this all there is? Spending 23 out of 24 hours a day dealing with shit just to have an hour of peace?
Being a working mother is SO GODDAMN HARD.
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2 comments:
A.) I'm sorry you were feeling like this yesterday.
B.) Will cocktailing help?
C.) It MUST be planetary or something because both Allie and I were way off our games yesterday, too.
my wednesday was rough too... a migraine that wouldn't allow me water or pirin.
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