Diva wedding

A couple months ago I suffered some torture at a wedding across town, on the bad side of the tracks at Planet Tacky. I prayed for the universe to erase the hideous memories from my worn- out brain, and it delivered.

I attended a Diva Wedding, and it was PERFECT. The most adorable white chapel on earth, dressed with swaths of mocha silk, FRESH beautiful fall flowers (burnt orange roses, fresh greenery, red and brown accents), brass chandeliers, candles softly flickering, and cute comfortable white bamboo-style chairs with plain white cotton cushions. GORGEOUS. The bride was exquisite in her classic ivory silk strapless gown, carrying a simple bouquet of fresh cream-colored roses. The bridemaids wore pale latte-colored silk strapless gowns with sashes of dark brown satin pinned with jeweled brooches. The mother of the bride (who is a ridiculously young and beautiful diva) looked like a model in her coffee-colored halter gown -- very simple, very stylish. And of course the men all looked staggeringly handsome in their suits (have I mentioned how much I love men in suits? all the better to grab them by the tie and kiss them) and boutonnieres.

All the music at the ceremony was played by a harpist - Elegant! Poetry was read -- Classic! No horrible warbling off-key singers -- just beautiful classical music and a really heartfelt, personal ceremony about the rigors and responsibilities of marriage, ending with traditional vows and the introduction of the married couple.

Did I say the wedding was gorgeous? The reception was even better. The perfect white chapel was right next door to the perfect reception hall, so we walked over to the reception where we were immediately greeted by a waiter with a tray full of glasses of white wine. I tell you, nothing says classy like waiters in tuxes with a tray full of drinks. Waiters! with drinks! Handing them out so you don't even have to muscle your way through the mob to go to the bar!

Another thoughtful touch was the place cards for the seating arrangements. Nobody had to wander around wondering if they should sit next to old Uncle Farty -- it was all thought out. We headed for our table, which was dressed with chocolate silk tablecloths, gold chargers, fresh flowers and champagne glasses.

I could go on and on, raving about the food and the drinks and the cake and the champagne, but I may just go into a swoon. It was like Hollywood came out to the midwest and delivered a wedding straight out of a movie. I felt like standing up and cheering, "THIS IS THE WAY THE DIVAS DO WEDDINGS, BABY!!!"

It hasn't completely erased the memory of the Gumball Wedding with a side of Cracked Plastic Vat of Petroleum-Based Cheese Food, but it sure kicked that memory's ass. And when I stopped at the ladies' room on the way out the door, I stepped into a clean beautiful room with rose-patterned carpet, scented soap and stall doors that shut without having to be yanked with a rope. The DIVA is in the DETAILS!