I got them Wednesday mornin', first-world blues

I listened to my own complaining the other day and I swear, I sounded like a first-class bitch. Where are the blues songs for all us first-world whiners? Where is the sympathy, the fundraisers, the donations from strangers who are moved to tears by our travails with broken nails, snagged hems, bad sushi, working indoors in air conditioning, incorrect drink garnishes, and humidity's effects on our hair? Huh? This song is for all of us first-world suffering divas out there. You know the format. Sing with me...

(Da-DAH da da DUM)
My sushi's too big
(Da-DAH da da DUM)
My cube is too small
(Da-DAH da da DUM)
Can't find no parkin' place
(Da-Dah da da DUM)
Close enough to the MALLLLLL....!!!!

Whoaaaa, I got them deep-down, first-world diva BLUESSS!!!! Yeah, lawd, I got them DEEP-down, first-world blues.....

(Da-DAH da da DUM)
Broke two nails today
(Da-DAH da da DUM)
Drinkin' nonfat latte
(Da-DAH da da DUM)
What's a girl gotta do
(Da-DAH da da DUM)
Get some champagne from YOUUUUU....?!!!

Girl, I got them deep-down, air-conditioned BLUESSSS!!! Yes, I got them deep-down, hair-frizzin' blues.....YESSSSS, I got them deep-down, first-world........

diva-squallin', out-of-hand-lotion-bitchin', too-much-ice-in-my-coke-meltin', chipped-nail-polish-wearin', traffic-fightin', office-workin', not-enough-pesto-on-my-pasta-eatin', you-left-an-olive-out-of-my-Belvedere-martini-drinkin', maid-cleanin', motherfuckin' parallel-parkin' downtown BA-luuuuuuUUUUUUeSSSSSS!!!!!