OK, forgive me for my previous maudlin and idealistic posts about the election. I'm happy with the outcome and thrilled that the whole circus is over. I do feel sorry for our new president because he is going to have to clean up a shitload of a mess, and it won't be finished in four years. At least he's brilliant. He'll make good decisions and I can't wait to see intelligent press conferences again.
Being obsessed with the election was a nice diversion from my own messy life. I guess I've stopped thinking that life calms down and is ordinary and manageable. Of course the crappy economy has hit all of us hard, but it's the personal things that are really making my life hell right now.
My ex-husband, the millionaire, is still going forward with his decision to modify his child support obligation because he claims his income is "terrible." The $25,000 he spent on his 50th birthday present to himself - a scuba trip to Indonesia for him and his girlfriend - was, apparently, not evidence of any actual material wealth.
My current husband, Mr. 2.0, is borderline manic-depressive and is on a rollercoaster dealing with his 18-year-old daughter's unplanned pregnancy. To say that he does not deal well with emotional upheaval is to say that a thousand fire ants biting your genitals is a little irritating. He's a wreck and is impossible to live with.
My 14-year-old daughter is a temperamental hormonal mess trying to figure out her place in the world. She and my husband do not get along (see fire ants, genitals, irritation above.) They fight daily, and I am caught in the crossfire. There are nights when I dream that I have moved to another city, changed my name, and started my life over, and I am beginning to look forward to those dreams. Maybe even to the point of making them reality.
Is everyone's life this messy? Is life just a series of problems to be endured? Is marriage impossible? I don't know, and I've stopped trying to figure it out. All I do know is there are things in this life that I still want to accomplish, but the list is getting shorter. I want to raise my children and be the best mother I can be, and I want to make art, and I want to see a bit more of the world before I check out. I want to love people and be loved. Why are the details so hard?
Monday, November 17, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
VOTE!!
I can't think about anything else but the election. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. This is the most historic election in American history and I am twitchy and nervous and happy and scared and about to burst with hope.
GO VOTE. It matters. I am voting at my son's school tomorrow and he is going into the booth with me because he is excited by the possibility of making history. It is his future I am voting for, and my daughter's, and all of the people I love who need to feel that love matters more than hate; that hope matters more than fear; that one person can inspire the best in all of us to come together as human beings.
"Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
the wretched refuse of your teeming shores,
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
GO VOTE. It matters. I am voting at my son's school tomorrow and he is going into the booth with me because he is excited by the possibility of making history. It is his future I am voting for, and my daughter's, and all of the people I love who need to feel that love matters more than hate; that hope matters more than fear; that one person can inspire the best in all of us to come together as human beings.
"Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
the wretched refuse of your teeming shores,
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Poem for these times
Williams Wordsworth was one of my favorite poets when I was in high school. He was a Romanticist and one of the "nature poets" because he so loved nature, rather than the complexities and ugliness of man-made life. I remember the English teacher I had (Mrs. Fischer) and how much I loved learning to analyze the poetry and then understand the meaning -- it was fun for a nerd like me to suddenly "get it" when most of the rest of the class didn't. This one is still relevant even now; enjoy.
***
The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon,
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers,
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not.--Great God! I'd rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.
***
Right now, poetry is the only thing I can stand to read. Every other medium fills me with anger, fear, disgust, or loathing. The country is teetering on the brink of collapse while we scream frantically at each other over petty political tricks and the rich count their golden bonuses, laughing at the rubes.
When did it become a good thing as an American to be dumb?
***
The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon,
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers,
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not.--Great God! I'd rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.
***
Right now, poetry is the only thing I can stand to read. Every other medium fills me with anger, fear, disgust, or loathing. The country is teetering on the brink of collapse while we scream frantically at each other over petty political tricks and the rich count their golden bonuses, laughing at the rubes.
When did it become a good thing as an American to be dumb?
Friday, September 26, 2008
Hey God, it's me, Bible Spice
Can't take credit for this, but I saw it on my fave BB -- regarding the cute slogan owned by Bible Spice and Grumpy McSame -- and I did verily bust a gut laughing.
"Country First"
"Now, let’s talk about slogans. Ours is: Country First. Think about it. When you think of what should come first, what does? Us ourselves? No. That would be selfish. Our personal families? Selfish. God? God is good, I love Him, but, as our slogan suggests, no, sorry, God, You are not First. No, you don’t, Lord! How about: the common good of all mankind! Is that First? Don’t make me laugh with your weak blinking! No! Mercy is not First and wisdom is not First and love is super but way near the back, and ditto with patience and discernment and compassion and all that happy crap, they are all back behind Country, in the back of my S.U.V., which— Here is an example! Say I am about to run over a nun or orphan, or an orphan who grew up to become a nun—which I admire that, that is cool, good bootstrapping there, Sister—but then God or whomever goes, “It is My will that you hit that orphaned nun, do not ask Me why, don’t you dare, and I say unto thee, if you do not hit that nun, via a skillful swerve, your Country is going to suffer, and don’t ask Me how, specifically, as I have not decided that yet!” Well, I am going to do my best to get that nun in one felt swope, because, at the Convention, at which my Vice-Presidential candidate kicked mucho butt, what did the signs there say? Did they say “Orphaned Nuns First” and then there is a picture of a sad little nun with a hobo pack?"
"Country First"
"Now, let’s talk about slogans. Ours is: Country First. Think about it. When you think of what should come first, what does? Us ourselves? No. That would be selfish. Our personal families? Selfish. God? God is good, I love Him, but, as our slogan suggests, no, sorry, God, You are not First. No, you don’t, Lord! How about: the common good of all mankind! Is that First? Don’t make me laugh with your weak blinking! No! Mercy is not First and wisdom is not First and love is super but way near the back, and ditto with patience and discernment and compassion and all that happy crap, they are all back behind Country, in the back of my S.U.V., which— Here is an example! Say I am about to run over a nun or orphan, or an orphan who grew up to become a nun—which I admire that, that is cool, good bootstrapping there, Sister—but then God or whomever goes, “It is My will that you hit that orphaned nun, do not ask Me why, don’t you dare, and I say unto thee, if you do not hit that nun, via a skillful swerve, your Country is going to suffer, and don’t ask Me how, specifically, as I have not decided that yet!” Well, I am going to do my best to get that nun in one felt swope, because, at the Convention, at which my Vice-Presidential candidate kicked mucho butt, what did the signs there say? Did they say “Orphaned Nuns First” and then there is a picture of a sad little nun with a hobo pack?"
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Zen and the art
I've been feeling pretty Zen lately. I don't know why, which is OK I guess, but usually leads me to fear that I'm about to be thrown into the Neighborhood where Bad Things Might Happen. Even with that, I'm sort of stepping back and looking at things as through a telescope.
It may be one of the benefits of getting older. (Trust me, there aren't that many.) I just had a birthday ten days ago, and am standing on the brink of 5-0 looking into the abyss. The wrinkle fairy stops by frequently, and the menopause fairy done packed up and took her kitbag home, and the fat fairy has eaten through whatever was left of my metabolism in its urge to hold onto fat. Millions of years ago I swore I would never wear clothing sized in the double-digits, and the fat fairy is laughing maniacally at me as it sits on the roll at my waistband.
But I'm OK with it. (Mostly, eh.) I am giving myself a break. There are bigger things to worry about, like this election, and the financial future, and health and education and love and babies and all the good stuff.
Last time I went to yoga I sat in half-lotus and pondered. Maybe it's that I've stopped focusing on what I can't do and what I can -- no, I can't quite get my leg behind my head. I looked around at all the 20-somethings in class and for a teeny tiny second I was disgusted with my old self in its feeble attempt to hang on to youthful bendiness. But you know what? There weren't any other late-40-somethings in class with me, and by God I did get my leg almost up over my head. I show up. I focus and breathe, and I think about just doing what I can do and not worrying about the rest.
Maybe the best I can do really IS good enough.
It may be one of the benefits of getting older. (Trust me, there aren't that many.) I just had a birthday ten days ago, and am standing on the brink of 5-0 looking into the abyss. The wrinkle fairy stops by frequently, and the menopause fairy done packed up and took her kitbag home, and the fat fairy has eaten through whatever was left of my metabolism in its urge to hold onto fat. Millions of years ago I swore I would never wear clothing sized in the double-digits, and the fat fairy is laughing maniacally at me as it sits on the roll at my waistband.
But I'm OK with it. (Mostly, eh.) I am giving myself a break. There are bigger things to worry about, like this election, and the financial future, and health and education and love and babies and all the good stuff.
Last time I went to yoga I sat in half-lotus and pondered. Maybe it's that I've stopped focusing on what I can't do and what I can -- no, I can't quite get my leg behind my head. I looked around at all the 20-somethings in class and for a teeny tiny second I was disgusted with my old self in its feeble attempt to hang on to youthful bendiness. But you know what? There weren't any other late-40-somethings in class with me, and by God I did get my leg almost up over my head. I show up. I focus and breathe, and I think about just doing what I can do and not worrying about the rest.
Maybe the best I can do really IS good enough.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
One more, and then I'm done for a while I promise
Here is the the sentiment from another thinking female whose writing and observations on American life, politics, and the culture wars I heartily enjoy:
"The Republicans are, in effect, saying: We're not going to win this race on the basis of being the better candidates. Barack Obama is going to make you think. You don't like thinking. Here's an It Girl vice president who is easy on the eyes, you stodgy old white baby boomer. She's like a grown-up version of Mary Ann from "Gilligan's Island." She embodies the raw conviction that everything the Republicans have ever done has been right. She'll make you feel better about yourself for voting for Bush. Twice.
Relax: The war is God's plan. (Or whatever.) Women, even if they are vice president, can always look pretty, worship their husbands in the fear of God and never, ever resist invasions from unwanted sperm.
Sarah Palin and her virtual burqa have me and my friends retching into our handbags. She's such a power-mad, backwater beauty-pageant casualty, it's easy to write her off and make fun of her. But in reality I feel as horrified as a ghetto Jew watching the rise of National Socialism. She is dangerous. She is not just pro-life, she's anti-life. She is the suppression of human feeling and instinct. She is a slave to the compromises dictated by her own desire for power and control. Sarah Palin is untethered from her own needs and those of her family, which is in crisis, with a pregnant daughter, a son on the way to Iraq and a special-needs infant.
She should, however, be a galvanizing point for women everywhere. Not to support her candidacy but to rebel against the Republican Party and take back the respect and equality so hard-earned by the women's liberation movement in the 1970s.
We've been shanghaied. This is sick. We need to slap the face of our bad frat-boy date and walk home from this drive-in movie. Sarah Palin may put out to be popular, but the rest of America's women don't need to do the same.
If not, what the hell? John McCain should go the whole Hugh Hefner route and have eight V.P.s that all look exactly like Sarah Palin.
It's McCain's world, girls: You'd just live in it."
Taken from Cintra Wilson's column on Salon.
"The Republicans are, in effect, saying: We're not going to win this race on the basis of being the better candidates. Barack Obama is going to make you think. You don't like thinking. Here's an It Girl vice president who is easy on the eyes, you stodgy old white baby boomer. She's like a grown-up version of Mary Ann from "Gilligan's Island." She embodies the raw conviction that everything the Republicans have ever done has been right. She'll make you feel better about yourself for voting for Bush. Twice.
Relax: The war is God's plan. (Or whatever.) Women, even if they are vice president, can always look pretty, worship their husbands in the fear of God and never, ever resist invasions from unwanted sperm.
Sarah Palin and her virtual burqa have me and my friends retching into our handbags. She's such a power-mad, backwater beauty-pageant casualty, it's easy to write her off and make fun of her. But in reality I feel as horrified as a ghetto Jew watching the rise of National Socialism. She is dangerous. She is not just pro-life, she's anti-life. She is the suppression of human feeling and instinct. She is a slave to the compromises dictated by her own desire for power and control. Sarah Palin is untethered from her own needs and those of her family, which is in crisis, with a pregnant daughter, a son on the way to Iraq and a special-needs infant.
She should, however, be a galvanizing point for women everywhere. Not to support her candidacy but to rebel against the Republican Party and take back the respect and equality so hard-earned by the women's liberation movement in the 1970s.
We've been shanghaied. This is sick. We need to slap the face of our bad frat-boy date and walk home from this drive-in movie. Sarah Palin may put out to be popular, but the rest of America's women don't need to do the same.
If not, what the hell? John McCain should go the whole Hugh Hefner route and have eight V.P.s that all look exactly like Sarah Palin.
It's McCain's world, girls: You'd just live in it."
Taken from Cintra Wilson's column on Salon.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Brace yourself - I'm about to get political
OK. I can't hold it in anymore, even though this is supposed to be a fun place to come and write little essays about the trivial human events that tie us all together, and hopefully make us laugh. This post will not make you laugh. I'm going full metal liberal on your ass.
I watched snippets of both conventions, since I think it's a good idea as a voter to see the advertising before I buy the product. Not that there is a question about whom I'll vote for -- I'm supporting Obama -- but just to see what florid language comes out of the speechwriters' pens. I watched part of the RNC love-fest before I had to smash my TV to bits.
Sarah Palin????
The choice brought out every atom of anger at political bullshit that I own. Anger - as Stacey said - because what, just because she's got a uterus we'd all just vote for the Republican ticket? Because she is somehow a hero for having five kids and being Governor? Because she's pretty? Is that her purpose for being on the ticket, so Republican men can all get hard-ons at having a MILF as VP? So all the fundamentalist white women in America can feel smug that someone with "Christian" values will "represent" them in the White House?
The day after her convention speech, I walked by a woman at work who was raving about how much she loved Sarah Palin -- "She's got a son going to Iraq, she's got five kids, one who has Down's syndrome even -- I mean she totally represents ME!!! I completely identify with her!!" I wanted to screech at her, or hit her with a pencil sharpener. How goddamn stupid can you be?
It panders to the absolute worst of politics. Image. I am pained because people are so easily manipulated by images, for God's sake -- does no one think anymore about the actual work involved in running a government of 300 million people? The necessary knowledge of the Constitution one is sworn to uphold, the rule of law, the development of policy, the management of all branches of government and the ability to work within a structure that has existed for 200+ years and get people to accomplish something greater than themselves?
This brings me to something that I don't talk about too often because I live in a very conservative state, and the chances are good that most people I know and are friends with are conservatives. I cannot stand the conservative ideology in any form.
Conservatives such as Palin believe that their way is the Only Way. Because they are (almost 100%) Christian, they want laws based on Christian values (whatever those are). Because they believe gays are an abomination, they want gays to have no legally-protected rights. Because they believe life begins at conception, they want abortion outlawed. On and on and on and on, if conservatives believe it -- they not only want their beliefs respected but they want them MADE INTO LAW.
What in the fuck is constitutionally American about conservatism? How can these people possibly construe the idea of America as a place where everyone must follow the same path, the same life, the same values, the same goddamn EVERYTHING?
Let me tell you: I am a liberal. Because I am a liberal, I am capable of tolerating other people's ideas. You believe abortion is a sin and a crime? DON'T HAVE ONE. You think gays shouldn't be able to legally marry? DON'T MARRY SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX. You think your children should be able to pray before they eat at school? NO ONE IS STOPPING THEM. Because I am a liberal, I completely support Palin's choice to be a Christian evangelical, gun-toting, pro-life, tee-totaling moose-killer as long as she keeps her lipsticked pit-bull nose out of my fucking business!
But that is not ENOUGH for her. She and her Republican base want to make her beliefs into LAW, and they pander to the worst maudlin emotional issues so as to distract the American-Idol obsessed voters away from the true government issues that affect their lives. They dumb down their talking points because a large block of their voters are offended at the idea that you might have to have a better than C average to serve as leader of the country.
Bush won in part because his campaign team successfully sold the question "who would you rather have a beer with?" as reason enough to vote for him. Eight years later the country is in the worst state possible, but by God our president was Everyman with a beer bong. Conservatives exploit thinking-challenged voters who cannot be bothered to talk about boring things like policy to vote for them based on images, pretty pictures, flags, and cheerleader rhetoric.
"Not all conservatives are stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives." Don't blame me, I didn't say it -- it was John Stuart Mill. I don't happen to agree with that sentiment 100%, but I'd like to see intellectual discussion rather than emotional manipulation from conservatives, but I won't hold my breath.
I watched snippets of both conventions, since I think it's a good idea as a voter to see the advertising before I buy the product. Not that there is a question about whom I'll vote for -- I'm supporting Obama -- but just to see what florid language comes out of the speechwriters' pens. I watched part of the RNC love-fest before I had to smash my TV to bits.
Sarah Palin????
The choice brought out every atom of anger at political bullshit that I own. Anger - as Stacey said - because what, just because she's got a uterus we'd all just vote for the Republican ticket? Because she is somehow a hero for having five kids and being Governor? Because she's pretty? Is that her purpose for being on the ticket, so Republican men can all get hard-ons at having a MILF as VP? So all the fundamentalist white women in America can feel smug that someone with "Christian" values will "represent" them in the White House?
The day after her convention speech, I walked by a woman at work who was raving about how much she loved Sarah Palin -- "She's got a son going to Iraq, she's got five kids, one who has Down's syndrome even -- I mean she totally represents ME!!! I completely identify with her!!" I wanted to screech at her, or hit her with a pencil sharpener. How goddamn stupid can you be?
It panders to the absolute worst of politics. Image. I am pained because people are so easily manipulated by images, for God's sake -- does no one think anymore about the actual work involved in running a government of 300 million people? The necessary knowledge of the Constitution one is sworn to uphold, the rule of law, the development of policy, the management of all branches of government and the ability to work within a structure that has existed for 200+ years and get people to accomplish something greater than themselves?
This brings me to something that I don't talk about too often because I live in a very conservative state, and the chances are good that most people I know and are friends with are conservatives. I cannot stand the conservative ideology in any form.
Conservatives such as Palin believe that their way is the Only Way. Because they are (almost 100%) Christian, they want laws based on Christian values (whatever those are). Because they believe gays are an abomination, they want gays to have no legally-protected rights. Because they believe life begins at conception, they want abortion outlawed. On and on and on and on, if conservatives believe it -- they not only want their beliefs respected but they want them MADE INTO LAW.
What in the fuck is constitutionally American about conservatism? How can these people possibly construe the idea of America as a place where everyone must follow the same path, the same life, the same values, the same goddamn EVERYTHING?
Let me tell you: I am a liberal. Because I am a liberal, I am capable of tolerating other people's ideas. You believe abortion is a sin and a crime? DON'T HAVE ONE. You think gays shouldn't be able to legally marry? DON'T MARRY SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX. You think your children should be able to pray before they eat at school? NO ONE IS STOPPING THEM. Because I am a liberal, I completely support Palin's choice to be a Christian evangelical, gun-toting, pro-life, tee-totaling moose-killer as long as she keeps her lipsticked pit-bull nose out of my fucking business!
But that is not ENOUGH for her. She and her Republican base want to make her beliefs into LAW, and they pander to the worst maudlin emotional issues so as to distract the American-Idol obsessed voters away from the true government issues that affect their lives. They dumb down their talking points because a large block of their voters are offended at the idea that you might have to have a better than C average to serve as leader of the country.
Bush won in part because his campaign team successfully sold the question "who would you rather have a beer with?" as reason enough to vote for him. Eight years later the country is in the worst state possible, but by God our president was Everyman with a beer bong. Conservatives exploit thinking-challenged voters who cannot be bothered to talk about boring things like policy to vote for them based on images, pretty pictures, flags, and cheerleader rhetoric.
"Not all conservatives are stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives." Don't blame me, I didn't say it -- it was John Stuart Mill. I don't happen to agree with that sentiment 100%, but I'd like to see intellectual discussion rather than emotional manipulation from conservatives, but I won't hold my breath.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
